If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
