hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
