would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
