with your own penis?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
