I'm gonna have a badass scar
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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