were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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