Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
