it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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