Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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