I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
zippers are such a cool invention
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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