I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Can i not drive my cunt home
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
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i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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