He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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