my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
