I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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