how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
