Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
