before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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