Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
