two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
