Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
