sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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