i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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