If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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