I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
