We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
