I smell stomach acid.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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