Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
