It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
