yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I supernannyed him into submission
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
