More tranny stories later!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
