No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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