My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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