We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
