Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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