y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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