I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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