guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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