She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
