So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
