Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
