it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
