I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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