Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
