I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
