Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
