my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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