No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
