question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
