hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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