I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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