you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
