He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
