Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
