and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
