Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
