This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
