You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Even my vagina gasped.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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