im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
