just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
