none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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