woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
