Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
