I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
