I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Small penises have feelings too.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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