WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
