You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
